Breaking Free: Confronting Controlling Behaviour in Working Moms 

Working motherhood, a daily juggling act of love, career, and chaos, often brings with it unexpected and uninvited guest-controlling behaviour. This silent saboteur lurks in the shadows, threatening the mental fitness of countless women. Let’s shed light on this issue and learn how to break free from its suffocating grip. 

The Alarming Impact on Mental Fitness 

The statistics are clear – controlling behaviour is taking a toll on working moms. According to real-time data, 40% of working mothers report increased stress and anxiety due to controlling influences in their lives. This emotional prison affects their mental fitness, often leading to burnout, depression, and strained relationships. 

Recognizing the Signs 

Controlling behaviour can manifest in various ways – from micromanaging household tasks to questioning career choices. To confront this issue, you must first recognize it. Some common signs include an overwhelming desire for perfection, a constant need to control outcomes, and difficulties delegating responsibilities. 

How does Controlling Behaviour Start?

• High Expectations: Working moms often have high expectations for themselves in both their professional and family roles. They want to excel in their careers while also being exemplary parents. These expectations can be the breeding ground for controlling behaviour when things don’t go as planned. 
• Stress and Overwhelm: The demanding nature of balancing work and family responsibilities can lead to stress and overwhelm. As stress builds up, some working moms may try to regain a sense of control by micromanaging their family’s lives, home chores, or children’s activities. 
• Fear of Failure: The fear of failure as a parent or at work can be a powerful motivator for controlling behaviour. Working moms may worry that if they don’t maintain strict control over every aspect, they will be judged or face criticism, either at work or within their families. 
• Perfectionism: Perfectionism often goes hand in hand with controlling behaviour. Working moms who have perfectionist tendencies may feel the need to control everything to ensure that things are done “right.” 
• Traumatic Events: Sometimes, past traumatic events or difficult experiences can trigger controlling behavior. A past loss or crisis may lead to an increased need for control to protect against further emotional pain. 

How to Stop Controlling Behaviour at an Initial Level

• Self-Reflection: Recognize the signs of controlling behaviour in yourself. Self-awareness is the first step to change. Take a moment to reflect on your actions, thoughts, and feelings, and assess whether you might be exhibiting controlling tendencies. 
• Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or partner about your concerns. They can provide an outside perspective and offer emotional support. Sharing your feelings can be therapeutic and the first step in opening up to change. 
• Set Realistic Expectations: Adjust your expectations for yourself and others. Understand that no one is perfect, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities for growth, both in your career and as a parent. 
• Practice Letting Go: Gradually challenge yourself to delegate tasks and responsibilities. Allow your partner, children, or other support systems to take on more responsibilities and make decisions. This can reduce the need for excessive control. 
• Embrace Flexibility: Understand that life is unpredictable, and not everything can be controlled. Embrace flexibility in your work and family life, and be prepared to adapt to changing circumstances. 
• Stress Management: Develop healthy stress management strategies. Engage in activities that help you relax and reduce stress, such as exercise, mindfulness, or hobbies. 
• Professional Help: If controlling behaviour is deeply ingrained and difficult to overcome on your own, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counsellors, or mental fitness coaches can provide guidance and support in addressing underlying issues and developing healthier coping mechanisms. 

Stopping controlling behaviour at an initial level requires self-awareness, a willingness to change, and a commitment to self-care and well-being. It’s important to remember that you can be both a loving parent and a successful professional without resorting to excessive control. 

Controlling behaviour in working moms can surface in everyday situations, but there are practical ways to conquer it: 

Micromanaging Homework 

Scenario: A working mom constantly hovers over her child while they do their homework, correcting every mistake and dictating the way tasks should be completed. 

Conquer It: Encourage your child’s independence. Offer help when asked, but allow them to make some mistakes and learn from them. This fosters self-reliance and eases your own stress. 

Over-Scheduling Activities 

Scenario: A working mom schedules a jam-packed calendar for her family, from school events to extracurricular activities, leaving little room for spontaneity. 

Conquer It: Prioritize family time. Allow for unscheduled days or time blocks to relax and bond as a family. Flexibility can reduce stress and make family life more enjoyable. 

Perfectionism at Work 

Scenario: A working mom obsessively reviews and revises her work tasks, aiming for absolute perfection and working long hours to meet her high standards. 

Conquer It: Set realistic goals and deadlines. Acknowledge that perfection isn’t always attainable, and sometimes “good enough” is sufficient. Balance work with personal time to avoid burnout. 

Managing Household Chores 

Scenario: A working mom controls every aspect of household chores, from cleaning to meal planning, without allowing anyone else to contribute. 

Conquer It: Delegate tasks and share responsibilities with your partner and children. Create a schedule that allows family members to take ownership of specific chores, promoting teamwork and easing your burden. 

Constant Worry About Children’s Safety 

Scenario: A working mom worries excessively about her children’s safety and location, constantly calling or texting them, even when they are with trusted caregivers. 

Conquer It: Establish trust and open communication with your children and caregivers. Share your concerns and set boundaries, but allow them the freedom to explore and learn responsibly. 

Strictly Organized Household 

Scenario: A working mom enforces rigid organization at home, including precise routines and meticulously planned meal menus. 

Conquer It: Embrace spontaneity and occasional disorder. Relax your routines to accommodate changes and unexpected events, making life less stressful for everyone. 

Conquering controlling behaviour as a working mom involves recognizing these tendencies and finding balance. It’s about letting go of the need for perfection, allowing others to take initiative, and embracing flexibility to enjoy a more relaxed and fulfilling family and work life. 

Overcoming the Controlling Saboteur 

Controlling behaviour can be a tough adversary, but armed with the right strategies, working moms can break free from their grip and regain control over their lives. Let’s dive into these strategies with some real-life examples: 

Setting Boundaries:

One of the most powerful ways to tackle controlling behaviour is by setting clear and firm boundaries. For instance, Sarah, a working mom, had a mother-in-law who frequently criticized her parenting decisions. Sarah decided to establish boundaries by calmly communicating her expectations. She explained that while she appreciated the advice, certain topics were off-limits. This boundary allowed her to maintain her sanity while preserving a positive relationship. 

Effective Communication:

Open and honest communication is key to confronting controlling behaviour. Emily, a career-oriented mother, found herself entangled in a controlling work environment. She addressed the issue by scheduling a one-on-one conversation with her supervisor. Emily expressed her concerns about excessive micromanagement and provided examples of her past successes. Through effective communication, her supervisor realized the need to grant her more autonomy. 

Seeking Professional Help:

Sometimes, controlling behaviour can be deeply ingrained and challenging to combat alone. For Lisa, a mother battling perfectionism and an unrelenting need for control, professional help was the answer. She sought the guidance of a therapist who specialized in anxiety and perfectionism. Over time, with the therapist’s support, Lisa was able to recognize the root causes of her controlling tendencies and develop healthier coping mechanisms. 

Practical Exercises for Liberation 

Breaking free from controlling behaviour often requires practice and self-awareness. Here are a couple of practical exercises that working moms can implement: 

“Let Go and Breathe” Exercise:

This exercise encourages you to let go of some control and delegate tasks, even if they aren’t done exactly your way. For example, if you’re accustomed to managing every aspect of household chores, you could delegate some tasks to family members. Let your partner handle meal planning for a week, or allow your children to organize their rooms as they see fit. This exercise can be a revelation, showing that things can run smoothly even when you’re not in control of every detail. 

“Control Journal”:

A “Control Journal” is a diary where you jot down what you can and cannot control. Create two lists – one for things you can control, and another for things that are beyond your control. For instance, in the “can control” list, you might include your daily schedule, what you eat, and how you respond to challenges. In the “cannot control” list, you could list external factors like traffic, other people’s opinions, or unexpected work demands. By regularly updating this journal, you become more aware of where your energy is best spent and where you should let go. 

Day-to-Day Hacks for Working Moms 

In the daily hustle and bustle, working moms need practical strategies to ease their load and combat controlling behaviour. Here are some day-to-day hacks that can help: 

Time Blocking for Work-Life Balance:

Time blocking involves scheduling specific time slots for work, family, personal time, and relaxation. For example, allocate dedicated hours for focused work, family activities, and self-care. By following this schedule, you ensure a better work-life balance and reduce the pressure to control every moment. 

Meal Prepping for Time Efficiency:

Meal prepping is a lifesaver for working moms. Spend a few hours during the weekend planning and preparing meals for the week. This reduces the need to control every mealtime decision, saving you time and ensuring your family still enjoys delicious, home-cooked meals. 

Outsourcing Non-Essential Tasks:

Consider outsourcing tasks that don’t require your personal touch. Hiring a cleaning service, using grocery delivery, or employing virtual assistants for work-related tasks can free up your time and reduce the need for micromanagement. 

By applying these practical exercises and day-to-day hacks, working moms can progressively loosen the grip of controlling behaviour, allowing them to enjoy a more balanced, fulfilling life. 

Controlling behaviour of working moms in different areas 

1. Controlling Behaviour in Relationships:

Controlling behaviour in relationships typically involves one person attempting to dominate, manipulate, or dictate the thoughts, actions, or choices of the other. This behaviour may manifest as: 

• Jealousy and Possessiveness: An individual may constantly monitor their partner’s interactions, question their loyalty, or forbid them from spending time with others. 
• Isolation: A controlling person might attempt to isolate their partner from friends and family, making them reliant on the controlling individual for emotional support. 
• Constant Criticism: The controlling individual may criticize their partner’s appearance, choices, or actions, eroding their self-esteem. 
• Micromanagement: In some cases, controlling behaviour may involve trying to control even the smallest details of a partner’s life, from their daily schedule to what they wear. 
• Emotional Manipulation: Manipulative tactics like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail are common in controlling relationships. 

2. Controlling Behaviour in the Workplace:

In a professional setting, controlling behaviour often emerges as an attempt to exert authority, undermine colleagues, or manipulate situations to gain power.

This can include: 

• Micromanagement: A controlling supervisor might closely monitor and dictate every aspect of an employee’s work, leaving them with little autonomy. 
• Undermining Colleagues: Controlling colleagues may engage in undermining behaviors, such as spreading rumors, taking credit for others’ work, or sabotaging coworkers’ projects. 
• Bullying and Harassment: Controlling individuals may engage in bullying or harassment, creating a hostile work environment for their peers. 
• Inflexibility: Some managers may refuse to adapt to new ideas or methodologies, stifling innovation and forcing employees to conform to rigid structures. 
• Abuse of Power: In extreme cases, a controlling leader may abuse their position of authority by exploiting their subordinates for personal gain. 

3. Controlling Behaviour in Managing Responsibilities for Working Moms:

Working moms often face the challenge of balancing career and family life, and controlling behaviour can manifest in their efforts to manage responsibilities. This may include: 

• Overemphasis on Perfection: Some working moms may strive for perfection in all aspects of their roles, attempting to control every detail of their children’s lives, household chores, and work-related tasks. 
• Difficulty Delegating: Working moms who exhibit controlling behaviour might struggle to delegate responsibilities to other family members, feeling the need to oversee and manage everything themselves. 
• Micromanaging Children: This behaviour can extend to micromanaging children’s activities, schoolwork, and even friendships, leaving children with little room for independence and growth. 
• Excessive Guilt: Controlling working moms may feel guilty when they cannot maintain control over every aspect of their family and work life, leading to emotional stress and exhaustion. 
• Lack of Self-Care: The drive for control may result in working moms neglecting their own self-care, pushing their needs to the back burner as they strive to meet the expectations they’ve set for themselves. 

Controlling behaviour in any of these areas can have detrimental effects on the well-being of those involved. It’s important to recognize and address such behaviour through communication, setting boundaries, seeking support, and, in some cases, professional help to foster healthier, more balanced relationships and lifestyles. 

Whispering Insights – Your Mental Fitness Partner 

Whispering Insights, the mental fitness coaching platform, offers a lifeline for working moms. Through personalized coaching and expert guidance, you can regain control over your life and break free from the shackles of controlling behaviour. 

Seeking Guidance from Mental Fitness Coaches 

Mental fitness coaches are adept at advising and consulting working moms on their journey to overcome the controlling saboteur. With their support, you can develop resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness, ultimately achieving mental fitness. 

Break Free and Thrive 

Working motherhood is a remarkable journey filled with joy, challenges, and opportunities. To truly thrive, it’s essential to confront and conquer controlling behaviour. With the right strategies, practical exercises, and guidance from mental fitness coaches and platforms like Whispering Insights, working moms can break free, regain control of their lives, and embrace a future filled with empowerment and happiness. 

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