10 Sneaky Mindset Saboteurs Holding Back Working Moms! 

Understanding Self-Sabotage Mechanisms 

Positive Intelligence Saboteurs are thought patterns or mental habits that can undermine a person’s potential for success, happiness, and well-being. These saboteurs are often deeply ingrained in our minds and can operate on a subconscious level, making them difficult to recognize and overcome. They can manifest in various ways and can be particularly challenging for working moms who are juggling multiple responsibilities and facing unique pressures.  

Which is your dominant Saboteur, let’s find 

A Saboteurs assessment test for working moms is a tool that helps them identify and understand their dominant saboteur thought patterns, such as the Judge, Controller, or Avoider. It provides a score indicating the prevalence of each saboteur in their thinking, offering insight into which patterns may be affecting their well-being and potential for personal growth.  

Discovering the Judge: Your Primary Saboteur 

The “Judge” is often considered a master saboteur for working moms, as it’s an inner critic that constantly evaluates their performance as mothers and professionals. This critical self-assessment can lead to feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and inadequacy in both roles, making it particularly challenging for working moms to find balance and self-compassion. 

The Judge  

The “Judge” saboteur serves as the inner critic, constantly evaluating a working mom’s performance both at home and in her career. It amplifies feelings of guilt and self-doubt, making her believe she’s not doing enough in either role. This relentless self-critique can lead to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and the perception of being inadequate as both a mother and a professional. Overcoming the Judge saboteur often involves practicing self-compassion and setting more realistic expectations to achieve a healthier work-life balance. 

The Collaborating Saboteurs: 

The Judge collaborates with one or more Accomplice Saboteurs to take control of your thoughts and contribute significantly to your challenges. Do any of these Accomplice Saboteurs resonate with you? 

Stickler  

The “Stickler” saboteur sets extremely high standards and expectations for working moms in every aspect of their lives. This constant pursuit of perfection can result in excessive stress, burnout, and a sense of inadequacy, as it’s nearly impossible to excel simultaneously in all areas. When a working mom finds herself meticulously crafting the perfect school project, it often stems from the influence of the Stickler saboteur, perpetuating the belief that she must excel at everything, even at the cost of her own well-being and work-life balance. Recognizing this saboteur’s presence can help working moms strive for excellence without sacrificing their mental and emotional health. 

The Pleaser  

The “Pleaser” saboteur compels working moms to prioritize the needs and desires of others above their own, often at the expense of their well-being. They may frequently say “yes” to requests, whether at work or in their personal lives, even if it means sacrificing their own time and boundaries. This can result in chronic stress, burnout, and a sense of losing touch with their own needs and goals. Overcoming the Pleaser saboteur involves learning to set healthy boundaries, practicing assertiveness, and recognizing that taking care of oneself is essential to effectively care for others. 

The Victim  

The “Victim” saboteur can create a sense of powerlessness in working moms, causing them to attribute their stress and challenges solely to external circumstances, such as motherhood. This mindset can hinder personal and professional growth, as they may not actively seek solutions or opportunities for improvement. To overcome the Victim saboteur, working moms can benefit from reframing their perspective, recognizing their agency in making choices, and seeking out supportive resources and strategies to manage their roles effectively and pursue their career aspirations alongside motherhood. 

The Controller  

The “Controller” saboteur exerts a relentless need for control, driving working moms to believe that they must oversee every detail, from their child’s daily schedule to work projects. This micromanagement tendency can result in overwhelming stress and exhaustion as they attempt to maintain a tight grip on every aspect of their life. Letting go of the Controller’s influence often involves learning to delegate, trust others, and find a healthier balance between control and flexibility, ultimately reducing the strain of trying to manage everything single-handedly. 

The Hyper-Achiever  

The “Hyper-Achiever” saboteur can drive working moms to an unrelenting pursuit of accomplishments, often at the expense of their well-being. They may feel compelled to chase promotions, take on excessive workloads, or overcommit to various activities to validate their worthiness. This relentless ambition can lead to burnout, strained relationships, and a constant feeling of never being “good enough.” Overcoming this saboteur often involves re-evaluating priorities, practicing self-care, and recognizing that one’s value isn’t solely defined by external achievements. 

Avoider 

The “Avoider” saboteur for a working mom involves a tendency to overly focus on positivity and harmony while actively avoiding difficult conversations, tasks, or conflicts. This may lead her to neglect critical issues, such as imbalanced household responsibilities or work-related challenges, to maintain a pleasant atmosphere. While this approach can offer temporary comfort, it often results in unresolved problems, increased stress, and missed opportunities for growth in both her personal and professional life. Overcoming this saboteur involves developing effective communication skills and addressing uncomfortable issues constructively. 

The Hyper-Vigilant 

The “Hyper-Vigilant” saboteur compels working moms to be constantly on edge, worrying excessively about the future. They might lose sleep over concerns related to their children’s school performance, their own career stability, or a multitude of other potential challenges. This chronic anxiety can be physically and emotionally draining, making it difficult to find peace in the present moment and leading to a perpetual state of unease. Managing the Hyper-Vigilant saboteur often involves mindfulness techniques and strategies to channel these worries into productive planning and preparation without letting them overwhelm daily life. 

Hyper-Rational 

The “Hyper-Rational” saboteur in a working mom is characterized by an excessive reliance on logic and reason, often leading to overthinking and analysis paralysis. This saboteur can make it challenging for working moms to trust their instincts and emotions when making decisions related to family and work. They may struggle with guilt when taking time for themselves or making choices based on their emotional well-being, believing that every decision must be entirely rational and logical. This mindset can lead to added stress and difficulty finding work-life balance.  

Restless 

The “Restless” saboteur in a working mom manifests as an inability to stay focused on one task or situation for an extended period. It may lead to constant multitasking and frequently shifting attention between work, home, and personal matters. This restlessness can result in reduced productivity, heightened stress levels, and difficulty in achieving work-life balance. Working moms grappling with the Restless saboteur may find it challenging to fully engage in any one aspect of their life, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and dissatisfied. 

In reality, many working moms grapple with these saboteurs simultaneously, making it challenging to balance their roles. According to surveys, around 70% of working mothers feel pressure to be both the perfect employee and the perfect parent, contributing to stress and reduced job satisfaction. Recognizing and managing these saboteurs can empower working moms to find a healthier balance and fulfill their potential both at work and in their family life. 

The Genesis of the Saboteurs 

The Saboteurs originally emerged as our protectors during childhood, helping us cope with real or perceived threats to our emotional and physical well-being. As adults, we often outgrow their necessity, but they persist as hidden residents in our minds. 

These Saboteurs establish ingrained patterns of thought, emotion, and reaction within our brains, forming neural pathways. When these pathways are activated, our Saboteurs take control, causing us to immediately feel, think, and behave in alignment with their established patterns. This process is often referred to as being “hijacked” by our Saboteurs. For working moms, recognizing and managing these patterns can be particularly important in achieving a healthy work-life balance. 

Are they really bad for me? Let’s find out 

Saboteurs can have both negative and positive aspects. On one hand, they may have initially developed as coping mechanisms to protect us from perceived threats during our upbringing. However, as adults, these thought patterns can become ingrained and lead to self-limiting beliefs, anxiety, and unproductive behaviors. So, while saboteurs may have had a purpose in the past, their continued influence can hinder personal growth, well-being, and happiness. Recognizing and managing them can be essential for leading a more fulfilling life. 

Emily has a saboteur known as the “Hyper-Achiever.” This saboteur developed during her childhood when she felt the need to excel in school and extracurricular activities to gain approval and recognition from her parents. While it helped her achieve academic success, it also led to perfectionism and a constant need to overachieve. 

As an adult working mom, Emily’s Hyper-Achiever saboteur drives her to constantly strive for perfection in her career and as a parent. She often finds herself taking on too many tasks, volunteering for additional responsibilities at work, and sacrificing her own well-being to meet her high standards. This leads to burnout, stress, and neglect of self-care. 

In Emily’s case, her saboteur served a purpose in the past by motivating her to succeed academically. However, as a working mom, the Hyper-Achiever saboteur becomes harmful, negatively impacting her work-life balance and overall happiness. Emily needs to recognize this saboteur’s influence, reassess her priorities, and find a healthier balance between her career, family life, and self-care to lead a more fulfilling and sustainable lifestyle.